It’s what computers have become
; a marketing slogan that’s over ambitious, pretentious and painfully accurate all at once.
Most computers you could buy today are abysmally bloated, confusing monstrosities of metal and software. The Nokia N95 is the same: It crams more features into a handset than previously possible, and proceeds to make each and every one of them more difficult to use than previously imaginable.
In the N95, Nokia released the most feature-packed smart phone ever. They thought up some quite ingenious tricks, such as a slider that reveals different controls when slid in different directions. It’s got a big screen, a 5 megapixel camera, a GPS receiver and the ability to connect to wireless networks. The form factor is reasonable too, it’s a good fit for my hand.
It’s interesting, then, that each and every single one of these ‘amazing’ features is implemented with a lazy mediocrity that frustrates and aggravates to the point at which I’m fairly certain the Nokia N95 is the single worst gadget I’ve ever owned.
The shortcomings and outright failings annoy me each and every time I have to use it. Every time I attempt something as mundane as compose a text message I want to smash it against my desk. That’s when the battery hasn’t run out.
I feel a need to rant about it, desperately hoping that by standing atop a soapbox I can somehow exorcise the aggression I feel toward this small silver box and start to find the day-to-day experience of using it bearable. I’m imprisoned with it for another sixteen months, I need to find some way to make this work.
Something I feel at the moment is that criticisms of the N95, especially by those of an Apple hardware persuasion, seem to get dismissed. As if dissing the N95 is just another way of glorifying the iPhone. But this is nothing to do with Apple, or iPhone or any other piece of technology past, present, future, real or imaginary: The N95 is a steaming heap of shit all by itself. But over the course of this week, I’m going to back up my rage with more detailed follow-ups about specific problems with the N95. I just hope it makes me feel better.